Writings: Forgiveness and Doubting Thomases

By: Dr. Gregory S. Neal

We all know people who struggle with faith, who wrestle with questions, who wonder about God’s existence. Even if they accept that God exists, we know people who doubt even the most fundamental elements of our Faith: the incarnation of God in Jesus Christ, the atonement of Christ for us all, his death, his resurrection, his continued real presence among us. We all know people who battle, within themselves and with others, through long conversations and late into the night, about our Faith, or about any Faith at all. Some of those people may well be sitting here, today; others of them are almost certainly watching, right now, over the internet. And, if we’re truly honest with ourselves, some of those people may even be us ... either now or, in the very least, at some point in our past.

I must admit to a time when I struggled with faith. There was a time when I questioned the fundamental foundations of what we believe: yes, I pondered the existence of God and the truth of the creeds of the church, like the Apostles’ Creed; the agonized over the place of the Bible in our faith, the importance of the life, ministry, death, and resurrection of Jesus. There were times when I deeply desired God, to intervene directly in my life, to make it clear and obvious that God existed by speaking to me directly, by acting in an unmistakable way, by working a miracle, by doing something that I couldn’t deny, or to make my faith easier.

That’s where the story of Doubting Thomas comes in. Thomas is the perfect disciple to question, to doubt, to struggle with the message of the resurrection of Jesus. Throughout the gospel account Thomas is, consistently, the pessimist; the gospels give us a couple of glimpses of this. At one point, when Jesus was planning to make a hazardous trip to Bethany following word of Lazarus’ death, Thomas says: “Let’s go with him, so that we can also die!” At another point, when Jesus was sharing with the Disciples that he was going to “prepare a place” for them and that they knew how to get there, Thomas complained that he didn’t understand Jesus’ teachings. He said: “Lord, we don’t know where you’re going, so how can we know the way?” Thomas is the consistent pessimist and skeptic.

A few weeks ago, I outlined how the disciples, and other characters in the Gospels, are essentially stand-ins for us so that we can be part of the story. Here, Thomas is the stand- in for all doubters, for questioners, for skeptics, for those who want to know how and why?

And, so, of course, of all the disciples to be missing in the Upper Room when Jesus appeared to them on Easter evening, it’s going to be Thomas! They had heard the news of the Empty Tomb from the women who had gone there at daybreak; John and Peter had raced to the tomb to see, for themselves, that it was empty; then Mary Magdalene had returned from the garden and was first proclaim the Good News of the resurrection, and of how she’d seen and talked with the risen Lord; and, still, the disciples were cowering in fear of the religious leaders, locked in a room, hiding. It’s in the midst of this mess that Jesus appears to them.

Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” (John 20:19b-20)

I find it interesting that he had to tell them “Peace be with you” not once, but twice. I gather that they were afraid. They were questioning. They were doubting, too. Jesus showed them his hands and his side so that they could believe it was really him. Once they saw and realized that it was Jesus, and were apparently over at least part of the shock, for it says “Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord,” it then says that Jesus repeats his blessing “Peace be with you” and then he proactively gives them peace:

When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.” (John 20:22-23)

That’s amazing. Throughout his ministry Jesus had forgiven sins; he did so, time and time again, in the context of healing and blessing others; now, Jesus gives to the disciples the ultimate authority to forgive sin. Forgiving the sins of others is huge – it’s a staggeringly huge and nearly unprecedented measure of authority and responsibility to be given to mere human beings. This is an important point that I don’t want to get missed amidst the question of the Doubting Thomases, so we’ll come back to it in a moment.

But, of course, the one disciple who really needed to be there, who would certainly doubt the message of the resurrection unless he saw it for himself, who was the consistent, persistent pessimist and skeptic, wasn’t there on Easter evening when Jesus first appeared to the other disciples. I can almost see Jesus, looking around at the disciples and saying: “Where’s Thomas?” And, I can hear Peter reply: “Oh, he went over to the Shekel General because we’ve run out of hot dog buns, and Matthew wanted him to pick up some of those discounted chocolate and peanut butter easter eggs.” To which Jesus then responds: “I’ll have to come back, then.”

But Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said to them, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.” (John 20:24-25)

Yep ... true to form, Thomas isn’t going to believe it. He must have been from Missouri, the “show me state.” He wants to see and touch Jesus! He wants to find out if this is really really real. And, so, the very next Sunday evening, when the disciples have gathered again and Thomas is with them, Jesus puts in another appearance and then submits himself to Thomas’ test:

“Peace be with you.” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.” (John 20:26b-27)

There’s nothing wrong with doubts. There’s nothing wrong with asking questions. There’s nothing wrong with seeking comprehension and wanting answers. God isn’t afraid of questions; some Church leaders may be afraid of them, but Jesus isn’t. Jesus submitted himself to Thomas’ demand, inviting him to place a finger in the mark of the nails. Thomas didn’t need that much evidence, though:

Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!” (John 20:28)

Thomas came to faith by seeing and hearing Jesus. And we must not miss Jesus’ response, because it’s also directed right at us:

“Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.” (John 20:29)

We have come to believe; we have come to faith in God; we have come to faith in Jesus Christ; we have come to the point where our faith connects us to Christ just as surely as did the disciples’ faith there, in that locked room, with Jesus. And, we have come to forgiveness ... yes, forgiveness for those of us who struggle with the questions and with faith. There’s nothing wrong with the questions and, yes, there’s nothing wrong with having doubts. So often Christians – and especially the institutional Church – will beat up on people for asking questions, for inquiring and challenging and doubting and struggling for faith. Don’t let them do that, my friends. We actually learn and grow through asking questions, facing our doubts, and searching for answers.

I know I was a terror of questions to Mrs. Hill, my Sunday School teacher when I was a child. When I was ordained in 1991, Mrs. Hill was there. I almost didn’t recognize her when she came up to me at the reception, afterwards. I had remembered her as being so tall and so wide, and while she was still wide, she wasn’t tall to me anymore! However, I knew her face and her voice as she rushed over, enfolded me in her broad embrace, and told me how proud she was of me. She said: “You used to drive me crazy when you were little, asking me all those questions about the Bible ... questions I mostly couldn’t answer. You got your answers, didn’t you?” That was 30 years ago this June, and I’ll never forget the look of absolute joy on her face when I replied: “I still ask those questions, but I also always try to be like you ... because you used to say to me: “Let’s find out together.””

I came to faith as a child in large part because of Mrs. Hill’s patience with me, struggling with the questions by my side. And as a young adult, struggling with questions yet again, Mrs. Hill’s example of patience and openness stuck with me as I searched for answers. Indeed, to this very day I find myself turning back to her example of persistence patience while searching for answers.

Most of you know that I love words. Did you ever notice that the word question has, in its root, the word quest? Questions imply a journey, or a quest, to find answers. And that’s what our Christian lives are supposed to be: a journey with the Mrs. Hills of our lives; a journey with each other and a journey with Jesus.

And, so, it’s time for forgiveness. Not forgiveness for asking questions, although it is true that many of us may feel that we need forgiveness for our skepticism. Indeed, I was taught to say “pardon me” before asking a question, which implies a need of forgiveness for asking! But, no, the real need for forgiveness – at least, in my opinion – is for those who doubt, but who never ask. It may be because they’re afraid of asking, and I certainly resonate with that: Christians are frequently terrible at acknowledging doubts. It also may be because we’re afraid of the answers, and I also understand that: sometimes we just don’t want to hear whatever it may be. But I’m convinced that forgiveness is particularly needed where questions are withheld, are denied, and where even the faithful refuse to struggle with them and with the often- tentative nature of the answers.

We want certainty; we want all the answers to be in black- and-white, easy to list and categorize. I’m sorry, but most of the questions are not so easily answered, and what answers we do find are often messy, tentative, and limited by the finite boundaries of our minds. And that’s ok; let them be. God is amazing enough to deal it.

© 2022 Dr. Gregory S. Neal
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